So, I didn't mention it before because I didn't want to be a bother but
I haven't been on much at all because of WoW
or more specifically: My dad's losing his job next week and I'm going to play as much as I can until then.
Not sure if many of you know, but my dad is the most despicable hypocrite of bastardly assery to ever enter my life. I've been "sneaking on" the comp for all my computer time for years. 2-3 hours a day before my dad gets home from work. I've grown reluctant to stay after school or hang out with friends because I don't want to lose those hours to myself.
If I'm on the computer, I'm wasting my time and I'm an ungrateful little bitch that will never get good grades, scholarships, or even get into college all together.
I'm the "extra child" because they only wanted two kids. I have a sickly little brother because I wasn't a boy.
I'm a fucking all-honors kid. I've only had one C grade throughout highschool.
I was punched multiple times in the face in 7th grade for getting a C on a progress report.
How does this pertain to now? Well once he's off from his job he'll be staying home for a couple of months for a "break". He'll be home 24/7 and will yell at me for being online.
I'm also taking an SAT and 2 ACT tests by the end of April. I'm sure he'll have plenty to say about that.
After my ACTs were over I was planning on going to AnimeStl to sell stuff again. But it seems like the chance that I'll be there physically has greatly diminished.
He told my mom he "deserves a break" for working hard for three years, doing over time and being on call a lot. My mom has been at the same job for 10 years. She also works part time as a waitress on the weekends.
He's been yelling at her almost every night because he's been so "frustrated looking for a new job". He blames everything on her, even the money (which he approves in amount and frequency) that she donates to her church. He didn't even have the sense to keep the names of his former supervisors at his past jobs for his resume. He tried blaming that on her too.
He's socially inadequate, can't speak english very well, ridiculously stubborn, hates taking the blame, has fits of rage on frequent occasion, and thinks everyone is below him.
If he sees me doing any activity twice (besides homework or studying), he automatically assumes I spend all my spare time toward it. Even if those two "sightings" were the only times I EVER was doing said activity.
I've had to make 6 paper mache tiger masks for a chinese school performance. I don't even want to do it because I'm not getting paid and it takes a ridiculously long time for something they'll only use for 5 minutes. But I work for the school and they have nobody else. You spend 30-60mins putting the paper mache down on the mold, and then you have to let it dry for 3 days. Then you spend another 5 minutes coating it in the first layer of plain white paint. Let it dry for 2 hours. and spend another 30 minutes painting the details.
so really, all the active work is only 2 hours per mask.
But I have deadlines for when the dance instructor wants to see samples, so I have to bake them or blow dry them so they dry faster. You can't hide the sound of a blow dryer on the weekends. Sunday I was trying to dry the last three masks.
My dad shrieked at me for an hour and then continued to yell at my mom about it when she got back from taking my brother to reading lessons.
He threatened to rip them all to shreds if he saw me working on them again.
So now they're at ~saponin
Because of him, I've gone back into a very depressed state since November. I go through phases of content, anger, and depression. frequently. I'm not suicidal, but if I were to be in an accident and conscious while dying, I'm not sure if I'd be upset.
luckily though, there's a chance it might all be over. Maybe in 3 months, 6 months, or a year. But it seems close in comparison to how I've been living.
My mom is finally starting to think that divorce might not be a bad idea after all. She told me early last year that she wasn't going to leave him until my brother was in college, financial reasons. Now, tonight actually, she says she wont say it in front of him but she's fed up with his behavior.
I think she got the idea because of her sister's husband (oh what do you know, another asian asshole). He had the nerve to take their son on a trip to japan with his mistress. She's been planning to immigrate to America but she's been waiting on whether or not her husband would go with them. I think now they're definitely going to get divorced and she'll come here (with us) without him. She knew there was a mistress before, but just the nerve in front of his own son.
But until things take another course, my plan is to drown myself in WoW until next week where I'll probably stop getting online.
I have school artjazz I could upload but idk.
edit: and obviously you guys watch me because of my art right?
Well yeah, if you didn't guess for yourself he thinks all the stuff I make is just a child's interest in useless cartoons. I keep my internet life rather separate from him. But if he found it I'm sure he'd just yell at me for days about how much time I've wasted with it. Probably hold it against me until I was old, married, and states away.