choose to be completely alone if it meant you could become everything you ever wanted skill wise?
Something I've been thinking more about lately. For some of my older watchers, you've probably noticed my extreme lack of activity for almost the last year. In the last year I've also met more people, gone more places. Maybe I'm just really bad at budgeting my time. Before, I only had a handful of really close friends irl and was okay with that because generally nobody paid attention to us. Social rejects in a sense, but cool ones at that. I had more time to myself and to focus on painting/drawing/etc. I always sort of wished I had more of a social life, but didn't have the means to go about it. You'll always meet people in school, but they don't always click, you know? I just sort of accepted it as "there aren't that many artists out there, or people into everything you're into. Just wait until you get to college, it'll be better."<-- this being something I realized shortly after middle school. I've been waiting to get out of high school pretty much since it started.
But now here I am, more than half way done with senior year. Closer to 18 than 16. And I still think at times that I'm 15, or even 14. Having a hard time accepting that I'm getting older. Especially since I didn't start getting really attached to people until recent, and the people who I was acquainted with before are realizing that our time is limited and want to hang out as much as possible before we all split ways. It's sort of led to me becoming detached from everything, maybe in a defensive response. I'm not satisfied that I've let myself be alone for so long so I focus more on people than my work. But then I become unsatisfied that I've been ignoring my work in return. And even when I spend time with people, I know we will all have to split up soon. Why couldn't they have been here 3 or 4 years ago? I had to come to terms with being on my own without anyone, and thought I had. But ugh, this year and made me regress in all sorts of ways.
Usually I don't like to talk about this sort of thing publicly but I owe it to those who've supported my art dabblings here to at least try to reconnect. (and also just needed to vent a little)
I miss you guys.
Even though deviantart isn't always the best place, I've met a lot more people I connect with than I have irl. Everyone being art-oriented definitely helps. You're the sort of people I've been hoping college would allow me to meet.