My mom's out of town until the 11th, and my dad threw me out.
For those who see the following rant and think TL;DR here's the summary:
My dad wants to disown me because I don't "study hard enough". By studying hard he means 10 hours every day for the whole summer of reading a 400page ACT prep book. (It doesn't take that long to read it)
My overall highschool GPA as 3.841
I took the ACT twice already and got a 31
He is currently unemployed (has been for months) and is obsessive with money (claims that if I don't 'work' for it he's not going to 'support' me with college). Apparently we've also been running into a problem with paying my older sister's tuition.
He gives long lectures / yells at me every 3rd hour of the day if he sees me doing anything but staring intently at that book with nothing else on my desk. In the last 3 days he's been giving me even more trouble and it got to the point where we had a fight yesterday and I was thrown out.
Now, my possessions include: my tablet, my sewing machine, my bike, my really bad camera, my graphing calculater, 2 ACT books, and some clothes.
I'm currently living with a friend, so I can borrow her computer to get online but I'd like my own laptop. I have enough money to get one right away, but then I'll be completely broke and wont have any safety money. :/
So, I'm opening up cg commissions for now
Chibi - $5
Fullbody - $10
Headshot - $15
Waist up - $30
Fullbody - $50
Chibi - $20
right now I can't exactly print keychains or stickers as I don't have the materials, sorry about that. I'd like to get around $200 but I know that's asking a lot. If you can help me out though, leave a comment or send me a note? (I'd prefer paypal over mailing money as my current residence may change)
So for those who are interested, I guess. now it's story time.
In the spring, my dad lost his job and has been staying at home every day. This whole summer he's been constantly pestering me to study for another ACT test. He's very obsessive because he's used to the kind of studying they do back in China to get into schools. He sees it as a "if you don't get perfect scores on this test you're not getting into any college anywhere". Recently his obsession has spanned to not letting me leave the house for anything or using the computer. It's always been a thing that he didn't like me hanging out with friends or spending so much time online, but he's been more stringent on it. Like, if I hang out with friends for one day all of a sudden I'm such a delinquent child. I'm never going to get any work done and nobody will want to hire me. (I don't do drugs, don't drink or smoke, don't go to parties, and I've never had a boyfriend. Am I really all that bad? All I ask for is to art and maybe have somewhat of a social life.)
So on Thursday, I spent the day with 8 of my friends. We went swimming, and watched 3 movies (one in the theater). I had asked before hand if it was alright, and he said it was fine. But when I got back he yelled at me for "always wasting time" and "never wanting to get any work done". Then next day he used it against me every time he came in my room to tell me to get back to studying. He also yelled at my sister on Friday about her student loans. Not that she didn't get them yet, but that she didn't tell the people that he was unemployed to help her get it. Instead of just a "Billie, you have to make sure they know I'm unemployed" he spent forever yelling at her and telling her things like "If you don't get this loan, there will be no money and you can't go back to school" "If you don't get this loan, I'll have to use the money saved up for Betty and James, and then they wont be able to go to college" and when she asked if she could take another year to finish her minor he said "If you want to take a minor, pick something that is easier to get a job in that makes a lot of money not just something because you're interested in it."
The whole time I was just listening in because the were maybe 10 ft away from my open door. And I couldn't stand it. I was so furious that he was treating her that way. And when he was done yelling at her, guess what he did?
He came into my room and told me "if you don't study hard, there will be no money for your college. You'll have to go somewhere in state that's cheaper"
as if it's mandatory for me to rely solely on him for college tuition. He doesn't even have a job. My mom's the one supporting the family right now.
Now on fridays, every week, my dad goes to the YMCA to workout/goswimming. And he takes everyone with him. (I've actually come to hate pools because of this) so in the middle of the after noon he comes in my room and askes "are you going swimming". Usually this isn't a question of whether or not I want to go, it's whether or not I'm on my period. What happened today though, was that I left my swimming suit and my bike at my friend's house since we went to the pool the day before. I even told him when I got back that night. So I said "if you want me to go swimming, I have to get my swimming suit from kelsey's". But for some reason he took this as "if you want me to go swimming, I have to go hang out with kelsey for 5 hours" and proceeded to yell at me and tell me in full detail why it should only take 30 minutes to retrieve it. going through the process of walking /opening the door / biking back/ etc. and all I said was "I know how long it takes. I'm just saying that I'd need to leave the house at some point" and so he told me not to get it / not to go swimming.
oh and right before he left to go swimming (at like 8 pm) he walked into my room with such a disgusted face on because I was on my laptop and he said "I thought you were going to go get your bike". Well. You told me not to. :I
Later at like 12:30pm he came into my room again, after I had just put my ACT book away and was just finishing up conversation with people on facebook/skype and he had this huge shitfit over how I was up so late on the computer. Seriously, I /JUST/ put the book down because it was 12:30 and I reasoned that I wouldn't be able to get any work done anyways. So I went to bed.
Got up the next morning, it was Saturday. He was out of the house buying groceries so I got on and reasoned that I'd have about an hour to talk to people before I turned off my computer for good for the day and actually went to studying. (usually I keep it on and talk while occasionally studying. I know this isn't doing me any good so this day I was planning on changing that to get him to stop raving so much)
So he gets home, and walks straight into my room. First thing. I know it was to check up on me even though he asked for me to help him unload the car. (when he asks any kind of task/chore and doesn't have reason to check up on my he yells across the house because he's lazy)
So I assumed he wanted me to actually get out of the house, and proceeded to put on clothing. But apparently I was wrong and he yelled/shrieked across the house for me to hurry up. He just wanted me to move 3 bags about 3 ft away from the door. He really could've just done this himself but whatever. So I go back to my room, and my sister just got up. Sometimes we hang out in my room and just rant about stuff. So she asked what he was yelling about and I said I wasn't moving fast enough when he wanted me to help get the groceries and he was also yelling a little bit before that about how I should've been studying ACT, again. She replied with "wow, he's really been getting on your case lately hasn't he?" (she works 20 hours a week at subway and also likes to spend time with her highschool friends so she's not always home when he's yelling at me)And I said "Yeah, he's been giving me a lot of shit for the last two days"
right then my sister looks up, and I hear the door behind me open.
He came back to tell Billie to stop talking to me. Or rather "Stop distracting her because she needs to work harder"
And she proceeded to defend me. Saying that I'll be fine, because she was fine. It isn't that big of a deal.
We were fighting back and forth for a while, but of course he wasn't listening to either of us. And he was about to leave but I asked "well, what score do you want me to get? I already got a 31" and he just yells "33!"
so I said "well fine, I can do that. It's not that bad" and he decided to run through another yelling lecture saying that "If you don't spend 10 hours every day you're not hard working. I wont support anyone who doesn't work hard. If you want to stay here you have to work harder"
So I brought up the question "Well, what if I leave?"
"I don't care if you leave. But if you want to stay you have to work"
I almost laughed.
I ran away from home back in April.
The only reason I came back was because my mom called me and said he wanted me home / apologized. I never heard him apologize. when she gave him the phone he just laughed into it and said "so when do you think you're coming home?" I wanted to stab him in the face. I've always hated him.
I went back anyways though because my mom insisted that he apologized and if I didn't go back right away he would think that I didn't accept it. Which I didn't.
The only reason I was still there was because "he didn't want me to leave"
So, instead of laughing I said "If you don't want me here, then I'm leaving"
"I don't care if you stay or go! But if you go I'm going to disown you, I don't have a second daughter" And he shook his hand at my face.
I really should've laughed.
So that was that. I called Kelsey and told her I was leaving and for her to get over as soon as she could. I started packing my things as he stood there. Occasionally he would walk away and attend to the kitchen stove that lunch was still cooking on. A lot of yelling went on here. Every time he came back he would yell something else. My grandma walked over from her room and handed me some money. I didn't have time to look at it I just put it in my purse and she started crying. This whole journal I haven't cried once while typing except right now remembering her frail face and broken voice telling me not to go.
when I started packing up my tablet, all of a sudden he just says "No. You can't take that or the laptop"
"why not? it's mine"
"But I paid for it!"
"No you didn't"
"Yes I did!"
"Any money you make in this house is /mine/. So this is mine because you have to pay me back."
For those who don't know, I have a Cintiq 12w, it cost me about $1050 tax included. I spent all of last summer saving for it and it is my baby. I always had the suspicion that he felt as if he owned everyone in the house even though he had no real standing on it. But this was just disgusting.
We stood there for what felt like forever just glaring each other down. Until I said "Fine. I'm not taking the laptop"
and I unloaded the laptop from my backpack and put it back in it's spot on my desk. (sometimes he seems to think the laptop and the tablet are almost the same thing) At this point I was desperate to get him to leave my room again so I looked down at the two ACT books still on my desk and asked if I could take those. Of course, he said yes. And I put them in my backpack where the laptop just was.
Luckily, he left the room and didn't come back in as I continued to pick up all the cords and hide the tablet in a bag full of clothing. I knew if he caught me he would slap me and probably throw it against a wall. But I couldn't leave it there or he would throw it against a wall anyway. So when I had myself together and could make a run for it if I had to, I handed the tablet off to Kelsey and we left. He didn't yell anything after me, he just slammed the door.
So now I'm staying with my friend. At least until my mom comes back. I have no way of contacting her before then. (and my friend actually lives really close to the house so I don't exactly want to stay here forever)
Though, I'm not going back if he's there. I know it's kind of selfish of me to make her choose between us and to worry her on her trip, but this isn't the first time this has happened. and this isn't the first time we've had this discussion. Nobody in that house feels anything but resentment to my dad. even my mom. She just puts up with it because it's too much trouble to get a divorce and she thinks if he can get a job he'll be able to help the /three of us/ go through college.
(btw I told him I'd only come back when I got a 33 on the ACT so I could shove it in his face. but he said it wouldn't matter what score I got because my study habits are still horrible and nobody would want that)
So yeah. I have some stuff to figure out. School's going to start in a couple weeks. The friend I'm staying with is also and artist / has her own commissions to tend to. So there are ups and downs. Mostly ups.
And that laptop I used before, wasn't mine anyway. It was my grandma's but now my dad has decided he owns it. So there really isn't any way for me to get it back any time soon. Plus it was getting old; it would crash every day at 12:13 and it was extremely stubborn when I wanted to install new things on it. (btw just to be a bitch, when I was propping the laptop back up, I woke it up from sleep and shut it down. So now he can't ever log in because there's a password.)
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